VKA


Smelly bin lids

FGM

Gooseberrygog jam jars

VKA

Make this no good bunch of kids

FGM

Into stage and screen stars

(Fgm waves wand with big flourish. M.G.T.R. are full of excited anticipation)

VKA

(aside to Fgm)

That's funny. There's usually

A flash and a puff of smoke

FGM

(aside to Vka)

Let's hope this magic spell has worked

And it isn't just a joke.

RONNIE

We're on our way. Let's start now.

TOOTSIE

This is going to be a musical, so we need music.

SONG 2 STARS OF THE SHOW

MILLIE

We need a beat.

(She mimes while band drum / hi hat beat begins)

GARRY

We need a bass.

(He mimes double bass while band bass begins)

RONNIE

We need a keyboard.

(He mimes while band keyboard begins)

TOOTSIE

We need a guitar. (She mimes while band guitar begins.

Band keeps playing to end of this scene)

RONNIE (sings out of time and out of tune)

We'll be the stars of the show.

TOOTSIE

That's rubbish. It should go like this

(she also sings out of time and out of tune)

We'll be the stars of the show.

GARRY

(he also sings out of time and out of tune)

We'll be the stars of the show

MILLIE

(she also sings out of time and out of tune)

We'll be the stars of the show.

FGM

That's lovely dears. I really think that you should take a bow.

VKA

An army of frustrated cats is coming here right now.

(Fgm looks askance at Vka)

FGM
Meditate, contemplate, germinate, grow.

MILLIE

Meditate

RONNIE

Contemplate

TOOTSIE

Germinate

GARRY

Grow

MILLIE

(sings in time and in tune)

We'll be the stars of the show

(looks surprised at herself, others look surprised)

M.G.T.R.

(sing in time and in tune)

We'll be the stars of the show(All pupils look pleased with themselves.

Band introduction to first verse

During song, Fgm and Vka do simple dance, hand jive, etc)

SONG - STARS OF THE SHOW

(JUKEBOX ON PAGE 1 - TRACK 3)

M.G.T.R.

We'll be the stars of the show

We're gonna be so famous wherever we go

We'll be the stars of the show

We'll be on every prime time tv show

TOOTSIE

We'll have servants and flunkies

Security like monkeys

RONNIE

Chauffeurs and gofers

And we can be the loafers

M.G.T.R.

It's coming we feel it

We'll be living like kings

We're gonna be the stars of the show

Oh yeah

We're gonna be the stars of the show

(Between verses M.G.T.R. do suitable choreography)

M.G.T.R.

We'll be the stars of the show

We'll be wanted by an impresario

We'll be the stars of the show

He'll have a juicy contract ho ho ho

MILLIE

They'll be fussing around us

Let luxury surround us

GARRY

We'll haggle my darling

We'll drive the hardest bargain

M.G.T.R.

They'll pay us in cruise ships

We'll all have one each

We're gonna be the stars of the show

Oh yeah

We're gonna be the stars of the show

(Between verses M.G.T.R. do suitable choreography)

M.G.T.R.

We'll be the stars of the show

We'll party on our private yacht until the break of dawn

We'll be the stars of the show

We'll be so very famous, it will be a yawn

GARRY

We'll have agents and lawyers

MILLIE

Van Goghs and Goyas

RONNIE

Rolls Royce and Daimlers

TOOTSIE

An army of retainers

M.G.T.R.

We'll be drinking champagne

Till it comes out of our ears

We're gonna be the stars of the show

TOOTSIE

Oh Darling

M.G.T.R.

We're gonna be the stars of the show

Mwa Mwa

(M.G.T.R. feign kisses)

M.G.T.R.

We're gonna be the stars of the show

MILLIE

Thank you speeches

M.G.T.R.

We're gonna be the stars of the show

GARRY

Mine's an Oscar

M.G.T.R.

We're gonna be the stars of the show

RONNIE

Mines a burger

M.G.T.R.

We're gonna be the stars - - - / of - the - / show - - - /- - - - / - - - - /

- - yeah!

(as the elongated word 'show' is sung, Ronnie and Garry do their greeting routine, Millie and Tootsie do the same.

Close curtains OR blackout)

_____________________________________________________________________

Band quietly plays last song until Vka comes on

ACT 1 SCENE 2 THE AUDITIONS

____________________________________________________________________

(Personal props - Ronnie - placard about auditions

Tootsie - hooter

Mr C - song papers

Millie - clipboard with papers

Garry - music manuscript paper

All cast - song sheets

Vka enters stage right, with a coat over her costume)

VKA

From the wood I had to dash

It's still me though, do you want a flash?

(She flashes open her coat to reveal costume, takes off coat, puts it off stage right)

We're so happy to be free

From that horrible great tree

Stuck in there for all those years

Couldn't go and have some beers

And Fairy godmother, she's ever so sweet

She never complained about my smelly feet.

May I introduce the band

Without a doubt the worst in the land

They have a few drinks

And the music stinks

If you don't keep in the best of order

The only drink you'll get is water.

(anguished cries from band)

My full name is ever so simple

I'm dame Verrouka de la Pimple

My poor late husband was a darling

Except he wanted his very own harem

Oh yes, you down there with the straggly beard

No, not you madam, him sitting next to you with the sticky out ears

Yes you sir. I'm sure you think it's a good idea

For a man to have more than one dame

Mind you…state of her…no one would give you any blame.

(Ronnie enters stage left with placard advertising auditions for school musical.

He calls out)

RONNIE

All welcome to auditions for the school musical. We want singers, dancers, musicians, choreographers, lighting technicians, backdrop lifters, stage hands, stage feet, someone to make the tea

VKA

That is sounding capital

Your list is very practical

Take a bow. Bye for now

(Vka waves goodbye to the audience and exits stage right.

Ronnie joins the scene and M.G.T. stage right.

All cast on stage to be auditioned: Hm and other teachers and pupils, and Currant and Bunn)

MILLIE (carrying clipboard with papers)
Hello everybody. Thank you for coming to the auditions for our musical.

GARRY

We have put our heads together and written the script and you've all got the songs on your sheets. The story is set in a school just like ours. So there are lots of parts for the boys and girls in the school and also the teachers, and you if you like, headmistress.

HM

Eebahgum! Well done boys and girls. You'll do us all proud!

GARRY

Oh…thanks

PLEASE GO TO PAGE 7 - left click on page number above left