VKA

(poking her head and arm out of split in tree)

I say, will you please let us out

We're trapped in here - just turn about

(M.G.T.R. turn round to see Vka half out of tree)

Don't be scared - it's only me

We're stuck inside this big old tree.

M.G.T.R. (terrified - they hide behind log)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

VKA

Please come and help an old lady

Your strong young arms can set us free

RONNIE (to other pupils)

What shall we do?

TOOTSIE

Who is it?

GARRY

What are they doing stuck in a dead tree?

MILLIE

Come on, let's help them.

(M.G.T.R. come from behind log and pull on split section of tree)

VKA

That fine young strength your arms retain

Can free us from our wooden frame

Come on…..PUUUUUUULL!

They pulled and pulled. Their strength was deep.

Then they all fell over in a heap

(Section of tree splits. M.G.T.R. fall down. Much shouting.

Fgm and Vka come out from tree and dance around)

FGM

No longer by dead wood surrounded

We're free at last

VKA

Oh joy unbounded!

TOOTSIE

What is happening? Why were you stuck in that tree?

MILLIE

How did you get there?

FGM
I am fairy godmother, the champion of all that's good.

We upset the wicked witch. She locked us up in wood.

And this is…..

VKA

Chardonnay! (preening her hair)

FGM

And this is Verrouka, my worthy aid and a high born dame,

Who has no need to be embarrassed by her name.

M.G.T.R.

Verrouka!

TOOTSIE

Wow! This is great. Fancy this happening to us! Is it real?

MILLIE

Of course it is!

RONNIE

Are you a….err…. what's one of those funny magic creatures that gives you three wishes? What are they called…a…err ……leprecheen?

VKA

A leprecheen? A leprecheen?

They speak in Irish and dress in green.

A leprechaun is the word you seek

So you talk proper, you great big geek.

FGM

Verrouka! Speak nicely to our friends

Before you have to make amends.

You know they saved us from our doom

And now we will grant them a boon.

Leprechauns can grant three wishes, would that I could

I grant just one, so make it good.

RONNIE

Wow! A magic wish. What shall we go for?

(M.G.T.R. go into a huddle to discuss their wish.

As Fgm and Vka refer to each of M.G.T.R. they hold an arm out over each person and Garry, etc are raised from the huddle)

FGM

Lets take a look at this little lot

It will help unfold the plot

Here's Garry such a lovely lad

Suffers from a background bad

VKA

His dad does drugs, his mother drinks

No wonder that his chances stink.

He really fancies gorgeous Millie (Fgm points out Millie)

Trouble is, we don't know, will he

Tell her of his love or be too shy

And always let his chance go by.

FGM

This is Tootsie, what a beauty

Failed in every childhood duty

VKA

Hates her dog, sticks pins in mice

There's not much about her that's nice.

Her and Ronnie, (Fgm points out Ronnie) they're an item

But you should see them when they're fightin'

(Tootsie puts her hands round Ronnie's neck. Millie and Garry intervene.

Fgm waves her hand and pupils go back into huddle)

FGM

This one's Ronnie. He's quite bonnie

Likes his burgers a bit too much

A nervous affliction brought on this addiction

He needs to escape from its clutch

VKA

Him and Garry when they're meeting

They have this funny sort of greeting

(Fgm waves her hand. Millie and Tootsie freeze.

Ronnie and Garry do a greeting routine. Fgm waves her hand again and Ronnie and Garry and the two girls immediately go back into their huddle)

RONNIE

Now look, what I want is………(his voice fades to silent argument)

VKA

And finally

There's kind Millie

Kind of strange I'd say

She picks her nose and kicks the cat

She swears and shouts and worse than that

She settles a row with a cricket bat

(Millie aims punch at Garry. Tootsie and Ronnie intervene.

Fgm waves her hand and M.G.T.R. immediately go back into their huddle)

FGM

Glory be! We'd best not cuss

But what a bunch of misfits have come to rescue us.

(M.G.T.R. emerge from their huddle obviously angry and agitated)

TOOTSIE - I want a huge house

GARRY - I want a luxury yacht

MILLIE - I want a private plane

RONNIE - I want my own burger bar

(Fgm shakes her head sadly)

FGM

We'll let you talk amongst yourselves

And see what you decide

(M.G.T.R. go back into huddle)

VKA (to Fgm)

Let's hope it'll be for the common good

And fill them full of pride.

RONNIE (emerging from huddle)

OK. We're agreed. Lottery. We want to win a quadruple rollover lottery

(the others nod and say yes)

VKA (consulting magic spells book)

Our book of magic spells,

Thinks your idea smells

Far from doing lottery,

It goes straight from 'jinx' to 'pottery'

(holds up pages of book)

FGM

Try to think about your past

Do you really want those ways to last your whole life through

Or can you cast aside the burden placed on you

You know within your secret selves what you must do

MILLIE (sighing and with a change of mood)

What shall we choose then? Something good for us….and everyone else as well?

GARRY

We could do something that will make us rich and famous…. And help others too?

RONNIE

What about if we put on a show. Full of song, dance and music

TOOTSIE (gazing at Ronnie)

Romance, tenderness, girl meets boy

MILLIE (looking furtively at Garry)

Happy ever after.

VKA (aside to audience)

Let's not go and push our luck. It

Might require a sick bucket.

RONNIE (excited)

Ok. Look… what about that…. a musical… song and dance. We could all take part.

TOOTSIE

We can write the script and the songs, have a band, be a brilliant success

RONNIE

When we put on the show, a great impresario will be in the audience. He'll take the show to the West End, then New York, Broadway!

GARRY

We'll be the stars in the film version. We'll all be megastars!

(M.G.T.R. do high fives)

FGM

Alright. That sounds just great to me

A musical it will be

And now to make it all come true

A wave of my wand is due (looks in tree, can't find it)

It must have fallen out round here

Please help us take a look.

MILLIE (picks up stick and gives it to Vka)

What about this?

VKA

Could be, but it's a little queer

I'll check it in the book right here.

Hmmm…magic wands, straight sides, two bumps.

It all seems to tally (she gives wand to Fgm)

FGM

This is the first of many jobs,

So let's not dilly dally

(Fgm and Vka start to go into preparations for casting a spell.

Vka sprinkles powder on Fgm's hands. Fgm rubs hands together)

RONNIE

What's she doing?

TOOTSIE

Getting ready to cast a spell.

RONNIE

Won't she need the eyes of toad and bat's blood?

M.G.T.

Eugghh!

FGM (she and Vka read from the book of spells)

Hocus Pocus

PLEASE GO TO PAGE 6 - left click on page number above left