4. The script

ST KEVIN'S - A Musical Fairy Tale


(Fgm = Fairy godmother Vka = Verrouka Ww = Wicked Witch

Hm = Headmistress Mr C = Mr Camp Mr B = Mr Bumnote

M Cmbt = M Camembert

M.G.T.R. = Millie, Garry, Tootsie and Ronnie




(Large old tree stage centre right, practical in that it partly opens to allow Vka to poke her arm out then opens to let Vka and Fgm out. Log is centre left

Light and sound effects of a storm: wind, thunder, no rain.

Fade in sound effect of flapping of wings of eagle and eagle call then fade out.

Fgm and Vka are inside practical tree. Their faces can be seen through two large holes in trunk. There are other holes for arms.

Fgm and Vka should be wearing dresses of any colour except green.

At the foot of the tree are several elves. They should be wearing green tights, bells on their footwear, buttons and bows on their costumes to fit the words of their song.

Personal props - Fgm - book of magic spells in tree.

Millie - wrong magic wand, straight sides, two bumps,

on floor near tree.

Vka - small packet of powder in her pocket)



Our story begins in a wooded thicket


We're here in this tree on a sticky wicket


The wicked witch did cast a spell

On us and locked us in this cell

We've been in here for a thousand years


We've got no tele and we're bored to tears.


We ought to introduce ourselves

To all these lovely people here.

We keep the company of elves

(she points out elves with her hand through a hole in the tree trunk)

And other magic folk, and we're

The fairy godmother, that's me

And this is my assistant, Verrouka


Thank you. If it's all the same

You could have told them that my name

Was Dame of [LOCAL PLACE] Grange


You twit


Or something with a ring to it


I'll introduce you to our friends

They come from where the rainbow ends

(elves pull on side / holes of tree to try to open it to no avail.

Elves shrug shoulders, look annoyed / frustrated)

They've tried to help don't get me wrong

They do their best but they're not that strong

VKA (to elves)

Never mind. It's time you told

The people what you do

We'll pick a beat that's nice and steady

(band starts introduction to song)

That sounds ok. (to elves) Are you ready?



ELVES (sing with suitable choreography)

We got cheeky grins, sweet little smiles

We got chubby cheeks, cute little eyes

We got pea green tights, buttons and bows

We got little bells, on our toes

But it ain't no help, being an elf

(elves pull on holes in tree)

When you can't get two ladies out of a tree

We can dance, and act like a loon

We can do a moonwalk on the moon

We can look sweet, we can look pretty

We're cool in the country and hot in the city

But it ain't no help, being an elf

(elves pull on holes in tree)

When you can't get two ladies out of a tree

We've tried and we've tried and we always fail

When the weather is calm and when it's blowing a gale

It ain't no help, being an elf

(elves pull on holes in tree)

Don't try this yourself it's no good for your health

It ain't no help, being an elf

When you can't get two ladies out of a tree

(song ends.

During next few speeches elves mime the story told by Fgm and Vka)


We once did roam these lands afree

Banishing tears and misery

Doing good wherever we went


No wonder that your wand got bent.


We flew upon the backs of two

Great golden eagles ever true

They always were to one another

All their lives they stayed together.

Their names were Aramides and Xanthea

From underneath their widespread wings

Did shine the light of golden love and joy.

Above these lands we'd fly and bring

New hope to troubled girls and boys.

We blessed the children, soothed their fears,

And when they cried, we dried their tears.

We cracked our jokes, we brought them laughter.

I was daft


And I was dafter


The eagles' light did onward lead

To those in need of our good deeds


We could hear a cry from far

From those who were frightened of the dark

And we would always hasten to

A child in need of a dream come true


But my dear sister who like me

Was a powerful fairy

Did not like the happy sound

Of joyful children playing round


And over time she did become

A wicked witch with her hair in a bun.

This awful person, her dear sister

Grew irritable like a blister.

She was envious and made a fuss.

She hated all these happy days.

One night she had a fit of rage


She cursed me and my comrade here

Into this wooden prison.

And our beloved eagle, Aramides

She turned into stone.

Our other eagle, Xanthea

Escaped. We know not where she's flown.

And ever since the wicked witch

For all these years brings gloom and tears

To all the dear children


We must gain freedom from this plight

So we can start to set things right.

FGM AND VKA (in mock despair)



But a twist of fate might make our day

A group of youths is coming this way

They're from the local school, St Kevin's

They're oddballs as a rule (sudden crash of thunder) great heavens!

They came in here to find some shelter

From this storm, a right old belter.

(to the elves)

Come on you lot you'd better scarper

And don't go drinking the band's lager

(elves exit stage right)


Now I need to concentrate

And if I can, regenerate

What's left of my dwindling magic power

To bring lightning from this mighty shower.


The thunder rumbles all around

We need a flash (Vka points through a hole in the tree to a member of the audience)

Not you, sir, sit down

(M.G.T.R. argument begins off stage left)


It's your fault we got caught in this storm


No it isn't.


It was your idea so we wouldn't have to do cross country


You're the one always trying to get out of games lessons

(M.G.T.R. enter stage left in PE kit)


We're in a right mess now


We'll get lost in here


No one will know where we are


We'll have nothing to eat for weeks but dead lizards



(M.G.T.R. look around anxiously)


Do you think we'll be safe here?


I hope so. It's quite a scary storm.


So this is what they call the wild wood. I've never been in here before.


Neither have I. Let's shelter by this old tree.

(M.G.T.R. huddle round base of tree. Fgm and Vka look down on them)


It feels strange, almost like we are being watched


Hey, we'd better keep away from the tree in case it gets struck by lightning


Yes. Let's sit on that log

(They move left and sit on log. Thunder grows louder. Lightning flash. Lightning hits side of tree which partly splits.

Pupils fall backwards off log, stay behind it and look at tree, scared)


Wow. That was close. The lightning hit the tree. We'd better get out of here.(they turn to exit left)

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