HM


(to Mr C)

Mr Camp, do you know, I have no idea what your first name is

MR C

Well, I don't like to mention it weally, in case people get the wong impwession

HM

Oh go on. Your secret is safe with me

MR C
Well, if you insist… my first name is….Holiday

(short spell of music)

CURRANT

(working on something, up a stepladder, to Bunn)

Pplease wwill you ppass that hhammer

BUNN

Has the pammer? Which pammer?

CURRANT

That ppammer….errr hhammer

BUNN

Oh. KO (Bunn does so.

Short spell of music)

RONNIE

(to Currant)

Bunn seems to get her words mixed up. Has her problem got a name?

CURRANT

Yyes, It's ccalled sspoonernerismhyperculiaritis

BUNN

(pointing to herself)

Stupid

(short spell of music)

MR B

(To Hm)

You know, I do like to go to the antique auctions at the village hall

HM

Really. Has anyone put a bid in for you yet

(short spell of music)

TOOTSIE

(to Hm)

Headmistress, you know the school is named after St Kevin, well, who was he?

HM

He was a famous rap artist. Kevin Keepitreal was his stage name. After his untimely death they made him a saint because his concerts were always free. Some unkind people said they had to be free because no one would ever pay to hear such rubbish, but I'm sure that wasn't true.

TOOTSIE

What was he the saint of?

HM

He was the patron saint of chavs

CURRANT

Hhow ddid he ddie?

BUNN

Dow hidie hie?

HM

He died in tragic circumstances. He used to wear lots of bling. He had necklaces, rings, bracelets, earrings, and so on. Well, he decided to do a concert at one of those scrap yards where they crush old cars to the size of a shoe box, and they had this big magnet on a crane. Suddenly, boing, there he was, swinging in the air, stuck to this magnet with all his jewellery. Someone shouted, switch the magnet off! They did. Unfortunately, it was right above the crushing machine.

CURRANT

Oh ddear

(Currant gets out handkerchief and dabs her eyes with it and passes it to Bunn)

BUNN

Doe hear (Bunn takes handkerchief, dabs her eyes and blows her nose noisily into it, then passes it to Mr Camp, who daintily declines it.

Music builds for restart of singing)

(JUKEBOX ON PAGE 1 - TRACK 13)

ALL CAST

We don't need - no major league hydraulics

We don't need - no actors' histrionics

We don't need - to shout and swear and cuss 'cos

We - got - us --

Were gonna - build a stage

For you and you and me

Were gonna - build a stage

And then how proud we'll be

Were gonna - build a stage

We'll do it for ourselves 'cos

We - got - us ---/

We're gonna build -- a stage -- for us ---/

Build a stage for us YEAH!

(Music stops)

MILLIE

Its getting hot in here. It's a lovely day. Why don't we go outside into the school field and carry on work there.

RONNIE

Ok. Let's pick up the stage

FGM

We'll meet you out there.

(Fgm and Vka go off stage right with stools.

Curtains close OR blackout

______________________________________________________________________

ACT 1 SCENE 4 SET CONSTRUCTION - THE SCHOOL FIELD

______________________________________________________________________

School field, railings, pillars, archway gates and practical eagle apparently made of stone resting on top of archway.

Pupils pretend to walk with boxes they have been building but stay in same place.

Fgm and Vka enter stage right without stools

Lights up)

TOOTSIE

Maybe if the weather is good we can perform the musical out here.

RONNIE

Yes the railings and pillars would make a good back drop.

MILLIE

Especially against the eagle set in stone above the school gates.

(Fgm and Vka look at her intently)

VKA

Eagle? Set in stone? Where?

MILLIE

There. Above school gates. Isn't he beautiful.

(Fgm and Vka look round and rush to back of stage and look up at eagle)

FGM (intently)
How long has this eagle been there?

HM

As long as the school has been built. Apparently when they were building it someone found the stone eagle abandoned in the wild wood and they thought it would be a good idea to put it up there.

(Hm then works with others on painting boxes and they are oblivious to next conversation)

FGM (to Ronnie)

Please fetch those steps

(he does so)

Please will you go and take a look

And tell us what you see

(he climbs up steps)

Can you see something written there

Behind his head maybe

(he looks)

RONNIE

Yes. There is something. I can just make it out. It says…..Aramides

FGM AND VKA

Aramides! Aramides!

(They hold hands and dance round in a circle. M.G.T.R. look on in amazement)

MILLIE

Fgm - why are you so happy.

FGM

Remember that I told you of

Our two great golden eagles.

MILLIE

Oh yes. When the Ww became jealous of you, she locked Vka and you in the tree. One of the eagles, Xanthea, escaped and the other, Aramides, she turned into stone.

FGM

Yes! Now we have found Aramides

He is a fraction of his proper size

But it is him, so noble, brave and wise

MILLIE

But why are you so happy. You may have found him but he is still set in stone.

FGM

There is a way we can set him free

Though fraught with danger it may be.

TOOTSIE

How? What needs to be done?

(M.G.T.R. gather round Fgm and Vka)

FGM

The Ww did turn him into stone

But to all spells there is an antidote

And in her secret cave there can be found

A bottle with a silver thread around

VKA

We need to get that bottle here

And mix it in a pot

We charge it with a magic spell

And then we chuck the lot

All over Aramides

FGM

He will become his proper size

And take once more unto the skies.

We need a person very brave

To go into the Ww's cave

MILLIE

I will volunteer! I will go!

(sound effect of thunder. Lights dim)

TOOTSIE

The weather's changing. Looks like rain. We'd better go back inside.

(Some cast pretend to pick up boxes and walk with them. Other cast exit.

Curtains close OR blackout

_______________________________________________________________________

ACT 1 SCENE 5 SET CONSTRUCTION - THE SCHOOL HALL - 2

_______________________________________________________________________

Personal props - Tootsie - A frame with notice about rehearsals off stage left.

Fgm, Vka, M.G.T.R. enter stage right.

Lights up)

HM

(coming on from stage left)

Millie, I need your help for a moment with the youngsters

(Millie looks anxiously towards Fgm and the others but exits left with Hm. Remainder of chorus also exit)

TOOTSIE

(to Fgm)

So what you're saying is, one of us could volunteer, go to the cave of the wicked witch, fight off terrible dangers, get the bottle of magic potion, bring it back here, be a hero.

FGM

Yes dear

TOOTSIE

Alternatively, the volunteer gets caught by the wicked witch, boiled in oil, dead.

FGM

Yes dear

RONNIE

Well, if that happens, maybe if we ask the wicked witch nicely, she could send us back whatever bits may be left over, like a lock of hair, something we could focus on in our grief.

FGM

Yes dear

TOOTSIE

You're not taking this seriously

FGM

Whoever goes will be in danger

The wicked witch will harm a stranger.

There is one thing that will shield you.

If you are the first born child

Of another first born child.

RONNIE

The first born child of a first born child has the best protection? I've got an older sister

TOOTSIE

So have I

GARRY

I am the oldest child in my family and I know both my parents were the oldest children

FGM

Then you will have the best protection

VKA

What about Millie, she wanted to go?

TOOTSIE

No. She's got an older brother and an older sister

FGM

Well Garry, it's time to think and tell us whether

You want to help turn stone to feather

A chance of glory, or an ending gory?

There is no way to foretell the story

RONNIE

Wash your hair before you go will you

GARRY

Not funny!

(Millie enters stage left and sees the other characters talking)

GARRY

Can I think about it and let you know

FGM

Of course you can

(Fgm and Vka exit stage right. Garry and Ronnie move upstage talking together)

MILLIE

(to Tootsie)

Why were they talking to Fgm like that?

TOOTSIE

Fgm says Garry can go on the mission

PLEASE GO TO PAGE 11 - left click on page number above left